(This piece was originally published at The LStop.org)Within every lesbian community there exists a tale as old as time, a proverb as common as it is contentious: Bi women cheat, betray, and ultimately leave — never for another woman, but for a man.Like those who flee the tumults of city life for quieter and less complicated pastures, bisexual women may seem destined, in the eyes of gay women, to trade the grit and hardships of queer life for the suburbs of heteroville.Boys, on the other hand, learn to define romance as a verb — something they must actively do to earn a girl’s affections.This socialization has immediate implications for all queer romance, but presents an even greater obstacle for a potential lesbian and bisexual pairing, as illustrated by the following quote from a very good friend of mine (who’s also a bi woman):“Honestly, I don’t even like men all that much. But they make me feel wanted and desired in a way that very few women ever do.While lesbian women are certainly bombarded with the same messages about romance as everyone else, I wonder if perhaps they don’t internalize them to the same extent.The gay women I’ve dated don’t expect me to perform romance as a man would, because their relationships have never or rarely included men, and as a result they’ve created their own version of what romance looks like.In this situation our interactions feel less scripted and more ad-libbed, and I feel so much more like an equally invested — and involved! If dating gay women has worked for me, why hasn’t it for the friend I quoted above, or possibly for other bisexual women as well?Consider that I was not socialized as a woman from birth; I never learned to expect the heteronormative tropes of romance and showing attraction.
I have since transitioned, and now live as a bisexual woman.wiki How's mission is to help people learn, and we really hope this article helped you.Now you are helping others, just by visiting wiki How.I suspect that at least a few gay women actually have made attempts at “making a move” and romance with my friend, but not in the manner she’d been conditioned to understand.
Conversely, many of my lesbian friends have complained of bi women disappearing after a few dates, or “ghosting”, as it’s called these days.
Now no one is driving the process forward; no one sets up the next date, leans in for a kiss, or “buys the flowers,” so to speak.