Of course, this all depends on the strength of the relationship, the age of the child, and dozens of other factors.In general, though, if the kid and the ex-partner were close, then parents should do what they can to make it easy for their child to stay connected.But what happens, as so often does, when the relationship breaks down?How do we help kids through these transitions and avoid instability? Kristen Hadfield, a post-doctoral fellow I supervise at the Resilience Research Centre who has been doing research in the US, Ireland and Canada on mothers, stepparents and kids. First, parents are cycling in and out of romantic relationships at a higher rate than ever before.Fifty percent of these kids are also likely to experience three or more changes in who’s parenting them before the age of 5, and a third will experience another change between the ages of 6 and 12.Whether we want to admit it or not, children are going to experience instability as their parents go in search of romantic partners.Your kids will resent it and may even end up holding a grudge against him. If your presence at the game would mean the world to your child, find an alternate time to be with your boyfriend. If you've taken it slow and developed the relationship over time, breaking up can be hard for both you and your children. Sit down with your kids, explain the situation, and listen to their concerns.
It will give your kids time to adjust to him, and he can really get to know you as their mother. If your kids have said "Get a room", you know you've taken it too far.After the Relationship Ends: What do we Tell the Kids?The problem, of course, is what to do after the relationship breaks up?If you feel ready to date, there is no reason to wait for the perfect time or until the nest is empty. After all, they have had you to themselves for quite a while, and now they have to share. Take some time to find out about this new man; his interests, work, and hobbies. Children get uncomfortable when there's a parade of men taking their Mom out.
It's fine to talk about your kids, but keep it to a minimum. It's a good idea to keep your dates private until things start to get serious.
You need to think about the behavior you are modeling for your kids. Don't be tempted to have your new boyfriend take on any parenting roles until it seems reasonable. For example, it would be weird to have him pick your child up from practice until he's a regular fixture in your life.